I can't stop it.
How do I deal with this?
I thought I put this away but it keeps resurfacing in my life.
Everywhere I turn its there!
Pain.
Hey, how you doing? We meet again...I can't forget about you because with practically every move I make in life you're there to remind me that I'm still dealing with you.
Pain.
They love me. Yea, they do.
And sometimes I love them too but in a way that I should be loving you! You didn't take me out to dinner at nice restaurants to show me how I should expect to be treated. You didn't stop to make phone calls to find out what I needed.
You didn't tell me u love me. U didn't show me how I should be loved.
You didn't tell me why I was supposed to secure my "goods".
Where were you when I needed to be taught how not to provoke a man?
Why didn't you tell me how to pick up on the clue and realize that he's just not that into me?
You should've been the one to tell me that he wasn't your choice for me and not to call him after he dropped me off home at 2am!
You should've been here when that nigga made me cry, to tell me that he didn't really care for me! You should've held me. But you didn't!
So now I'm trying to figure out why the hell I get so attached to a guy when he shows me the least bit of affection.
When he holds my hand I squeeze really tight because I'm secretly hoping that he wants to guide me through the phases of true love.
I intertwine my fingers in his hoping that he will protect me from all the things you didn't!
But when he corrects me I look at him side ways and in the back of my mind I'm wondering "why does he think he's my daddy?".
Who is gonna be there to make sure the oil in my car is changed and make sure that I have a spare tire in my trunk?
When he holds my hand I squeeze really tight because I'm secretly hoping that he wants to guide me through the phases of true love.
I intertwine my fingers in his hoping that he will protect me from all the things you didn't!
But when he corrects me I look at him side ways and in the back of my mind I'm wondering "why does he think he's my daddy?".
Who is gonna be there to make sure the oil in my car is changed and make sure that I have a spare tire in my trunk?
When a guy realizes that he wants to spend his life with me who is he supposed to go to and ask for my hand in marriage? Are u gonna be there to give me away? Nope. You haven't been there and I suppose I never will. Yet you find a way to show up and remind me that what I want from you is what I'm looking for in him!
So I'm sitting up at 3:07 am crying rivers from my eyes longing for YOU! For you to tell me that you will always love me. And longing for you to sit and listen to my silent cries and tell me everything is gonna be alright.
How is it that the very thing I long for is the root of all my pain?
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