Dear Person,
I
know you didn’t expect to receive a letter from me. The truth is that I didn’t
expect to write one to you. I didn’t expect that I’d ever even speak to you
again but that just wouldn’t be me. There are some things that need to be said
and now is a better time than ever.
My relationship with you has been a roller coaster of
smooth inclines and extremely rocky declines with added twists and turns that
were just as bad. I’ve gone to bed many nights and woke up many mornings with
eyes that were blood shot red from crying, and begging God to make it all go
away. I just knew I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the feelings of
rejection, and betrayal all by myself. You’ve done things to me that anyone
would deem unforgivable. You’ve told lies and defamed my character to people.
You’ve lied to my face and played sides just to “save face” and remain a
“favorite”. You’ve put me in situations that would have jeopardized my job and
my relationships with the people I love. You managed to convince yourself that
some of the things you did were to help me. Hmmp… at the time I would have
preferred to die in a burning fire then to receive help from you. I was
hurting. But what hurt the most was that I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure
out why someone that I called a “friend” would be so evil, bitter, and do such
hateful and hurtful things.
All the while God didn’t make it go away. I felt like He
sat there and watched me toil in my pain. I prayed and asked for guidance but
all I kept getting was “be still”. My anger and frustration with God pushed me
to plot and sometimes go through with my own vengeance towards you but it never
helped. You may be thinking that this is petty and that I should have let go of
all of this by now but to be honest, the only way that I was going to be able
to write this was once I was able to let go. If this had been written while
there was still anger in my heart this would have been a bashing letter and an
opportunity to put your business on the street. But instead, I’m writing this
letter with a grateful heart.
I want to thank you for fabricating lies. Thank you for
spreading false rumors. I even want to thank you for exposing me and my flaws
for people to see. Sounds crazy right? Well, I’m thanking you because what you
don’t realize is that it forced people to watch me and formulate their own
opinions about me. Needless to say, those very people love me and love what
they’ve learned about me through their observation. While they watched… I
praised. I praised God even when I didn’t want to. I couldn’t imagine how I was
supposed to “put on” an exterior that didn’t match my interior. But I did. The
times I didn’t want to, it seemed like I’d quickly forget that I didn’t and praised even harder. I
realize now that God took me THROUGH, to get me TO where He needed me to be.
When I thought God wasn’t answering my prayers He was actually killing 2 birds
with one stone. Prior to all this mess I’d wanted God to bring me closer to
Him. Now I realized that it was a test. I had to go through this drama and even
have my secret issues outted in order for God to deal with me on an intimate
level and show me that ALL
things work together for the good of those that not only love Him, but that are
called according to His purpose. So thank you….
“Draw me nearer, nearer
blessed Lord,
To the cross where Thou hast died;
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord,
To Thy precious, bleeding side.”
